Why and How to Let Kids Make Mistakes

Teaching Your Child by Letting Them Make Mistakes

By Amanda Morin, About.com Guide

As a parent it seems like a bad idea to let your kids make mistakes. After all, isn't your job to protect them, build them up and help them learn how to do things--perfectly? Kids need to learn how to fail as much as they need to learn how to succeed.

Why to Let Kids Make Mistakes

The old adage about learning from our mistakes is true. When kids make mistakes they learn not only about themselves, but also about the people around them. If you're able to let and encourage your child to make mistakes, then he knows you'll still support him when he's not perfect.

For many parents, though, they problem is figuring how to let kids make mistakes. You need to teach them to make mistakes, just as you would teach any other skill.

How to Let Kids Make Mistakes

Teaching your child to make mistakes doesn't mean setting them up to fail. It means setting them up to do things on their own. A lot of parents are quick to jump in with little corrections to projects ("Here, let's just straighten that piece out and glue it here") or to fix homework questions when they're wrong ("Oh, you need to look at number four again, you didn't do it right. Oh, never mind, I'll just fix it real quick.").

Letting your kids make mistakes means learning to back off a little and bite your tongue at the imperfections.
Here are some ways to practice that:

• Let your child do her own thing. Whether it's an art project, a science experiment, or simply a drawing of a monster, sit back, let her create her vision and let her have the satisfaction of an independent result.


• Monitor, but don't do, your child's homework. Let's face it, the teacher wants to know what knowledge your child has obtained or areas in which he needs some more work. It's OK to answer questions and you should definitely make sure his homework is finished, but don't correct mistakes. If your child knows his homework isn't right, that's the time to help teach him the skill, not show him that you know how to do it.


• Don't be so quick to jump to the rescue. Your child needs to learn how to be a problem-solver. Maybe she did leave her lunch on the kitchen counter or her science book at school. Instead of hopping right into the car to bring her lunch over or grab the science book, let her come up with solutions herself. She may call you for her lunch or eat school lunch. She may want to get her book or she may borrow it from a friend or work out a solution with the teacher. You won't know what she can do until you let her try.


• Be a guide. In school, your child is problem doing a lot more learning by inquiry, that is, being led to find the answer than being taught by rote. This is something you can do at home, too. Phrases like "What do you think?" or "How could we figure that out?" can help your child learn to how to learn.


• Let them lose a game. It's very tempting to throw a game of Checkers or not make your best move in some other strategy game you're playing in order to let your child win. But, a win that's not earned, isn't really a win. Losing at strategic games helps kids learn how to strengthen their strategies and see that they can learn from other people.

It's not easy to sit back and watch your child's frustration. The best you can do is prepare for its possibility and know how you'll redirect your child when he does fail. As author Vic Johnson once said "In life, there are no mistakes, only lessons."

101 Family Home Evening Activities

A List of Fun Family Home Evening Ideas

From Rachel Bruner, former About.com Guide

This list of over 100 Family Home Evening activity ideas is a great place to start brainstorming some fun family activities you can do for Family Home Evening. One idea for using this list is to print a copy for each member of your family. Have them rate each activity with either a plus symbol (for ones they would be willing to try) or a minus symbol (for activities they wouldn't want to try). Activities with the most pluses are the ones your family can try first.

101 Family Home Evening Activities

Okay, there are really 116 ideas but after a 101 who counts anymore?

1. Visit the zoo.
2. Find out about your area's community center and/or park activities.
3. Wash the dog. (A neighbor's dog if you don't have one!)
4. Have a family slumber party.
5. Build a fort. (Use large appliance boxes outside, or pillows and sheets inside.)
6. Get out the the family photo album.
7. Research your family history.
8. Visit the Genealogical library.
9. Play stickball.
10. Play hopscotch.
11. Play games.
12. Clean the house together. (Have a pick-up party.)
13. Make up a play. Take it to a nursing home.
14. Fly kites.
15. Go on a family trip/historical excursion.
16. Did it snow? Go sledding and make a snowman.
17. Make a collage out of pictures from old magazines.
18. Set up a lemonade stand on a warm day.
19. Shoot hoops together. Play H.O.R.S.E.
20. Draw pictures of members of your family.
21. Make a family calendar.
22. Tell stories around a campfire. (Or at the barbecue?)
23. Organize a game of capture the flag.
24. Make miniature boats and float them in some water.
25. Write letters to grandparents or a missionary.
26. Play freeze-tag.
27. Tell scary stories (With lights out.)
28. Play broom ball.
29. Go for a hike.
30. Go for a bike ride together.
31. Go get ice cream and walk around the Temple grounds.
32. Learn to play the guitar together.
33. Listen to classical music, lights off, lying on the floor, and take turns saying what it sounds like.
34. Attend community concerts or listen to a local band.
35. Organize a community clean-up.
36. Visit the library.
37. Go ice skating or roller skating/blading.
38. Paint a picture, a mural, or a room.
39. Learn how to use a compass.
40. Organize 72 hour kits.
41. Plant a tree or some flowers.
42. Learn the metric system.
43. Learn sign language.
44. Learn Morse code.
45. Go swimming.
46. Go bird watching.
47. Walk the dog. (A neighbor's dog if you don't have one!)
48. Visit the countryside.
49. Visit the City. (Maybe on a bus?)
50. Pick berries/fruit together.
51. Bake cookies or bread.
52. Make homemade jam.
53. Take treats to neighbors or friends.
54. Plant a garden.
55. Join a family choir.
56. Start a family journal.
57. Go to a museum.
58. Take a nature hike trail.
59. Play cards. (Try Nephi's Boat or Scripture Cards.)
60. Start a family exercise group.
61. Sing in the car.
62. Visit a local bookstore.
63. Make crafts together. Give them away.
64. Make Christmas ornaments together.
65. Write a story together.
66. Put a sleeping bag out in the back yard and watch the night sky through binoculars.
67. Go fishing.
68. Play touch football.
69. Have a culture night. Make a meal and learn about another culture.
70. Take photographs.
71. Invite friends over. Cook foreign food, such as Chinese.
72. Do yard work together.
73. Play Frisbee or Ultimate Frisbee.
74. Make your own family cards for the holidays or birthdays.
75. Play chess, bridge, or checkers.
76. Go camping.
77. Go for a long walk.
78. Play charades.
79. Do a rain dance.
80. Go around the table after dinner and have everyone say what they love best about each other.
81. Go dancing, have a family dance, or take a dance class together.
82. Climb a tree.
83. Watch the sunset. Watch the sunrise. Figure out when the sun will rise and set in your location.
84. Have a big party and celebrate a TV free week.
85. Have a picnic. (If it's raining, have a picnic in the family room on a blanket.)
86. Invite a non-member family over for a barbecue.
87. Memorize the Articles of Faith.
88. Memorize a family hymn.
89. Learn how to fold the American Flag (or your country's flag). Have a patriotic night. Have a flag ceremony.
90. Visit an elderly person or someone shut in.
91. Have a first-aid night. Invite other families to come. Call the fire department for a class.
92. Learn what to do if you are lost.
93. Have a budgeting class. Save for a family trip.
94. Learn how to build a fire and cook hot dogs.
95. Have an etiquette night. Practice your skills over a formal dinner.
96. Talk about drugs. Do role-playing.
97. Have a friend come and discuss good nutrition and health practices. (Kids don't listen to mom.)
98. Learn home repairs for an activity. Make sure the girls learn too.
99. Prepare a family group sheet/four generation pedigree chart. Interview an older family member.
100. Start a family collection. (Coins, rocks, stories, dress-up, clothes, treasures.)
101. Have a family testimony meeting.
102. Have a bubble blowing contest. (Bubbles or bubble gum.)
103. Blow bubbles outside. Try different instruments.
104. Have a baking contest.
105. Adopt a grandma or grandpa from the ward.
106. Have a family fireside.
107. Watch an old movie (maybe a western) together.
108. Make a family goal chart.
109. Have a service car wash.
110. Learn to play golf together.
111. Go miniature golfing.
112. Make a grocery list, set a budget, divide items, go get pizza with the money you save.
113. Make a family cook book.
114. Have a family treasure hunt.
115. Have a family dance. Everyone can bring partners.
116. Solve a puzzle together (crossword, word search, or jigsaw).

Teaching Children to be Grateful

By Wayne Parker, About.com Guide

Sometimes I am amazed at the things my kids do. As I was taking my youngest son and his friend trick or treating last Halloween, I decided to listen to the doorstep interactions between the boys and the "treat-givers." While I knew my son would say "Thank You" for every item he received, I did expect a wide variety in his enthusiasm based on how good the treat was. But he surprised me with how sincere he sounded, door after door.

I asked him as he was sorting through the loot about his experience, and he told me that he and his friend had been talking at school about trick or treating. They decided that some people just turned out the lights or left so they didn't have to spend the money on candy for the kids in the neighborhood. So everyone who was home and had candy, no matter what it was, had to be a nice person who liked kids, so they wanted to thank each one.

Well, our kids have been taught an attitude of gratitude over the years, mainly by their mother. But as I have reflected over the last few weeks about what we did to help them learn gratitude, I have identified some important strategies for teaching kids to the thankful and to express it. Try these ideas and see if they work for you like they have for us.

Make a List. From time to time, we take some time as a family to make a list of the things we are grateful for. Our kids have usually said things like a favorite toy or food. But sometimes they will express thanks for a family where they feel safe or for a dad's income that let's them have a few luxuries. And the older ones almost always mention access to a car or the concern of a parent. It is fun to watch their priorities change as they grow older.
 

Set the Example. Parents have to model behavior they hope their children adopt as their own. A simple, sincere expression of gratitude when the kids do something they were asked to do is always appropriate. Taking an extra moment to thank a sales clerk at the store or to tip your news carrier for getting the paper on the porch every day lets them know that gratitude is acceptable and encouraged.

 
Don't Demand Thanks. "I work my fingers to the bone every day for you, and I never hear a word of thanks" was a popular litany in the home of one of my friends when I was a youngster. Avoid demanding thanks from your children. They will internalize example much more than they will threats or humiliation. If you offer it sincerely to them, they will learn the skills of gratitude.
 
Teach Through Role Playing. If you notice a lack of the gratitude attitude, consider a little role playing. Have the kids act out a scenario where someone went out of their way for someone else, and have the receiver express gratitude. You might even consider a negative example and see how the giver feels when his or her giving is ignored.
 

Establish Family Traditions. In our home, dad gives a "speech" before every holiday dinner (at mom's insistence). I always talk about the blessings we have in our family (even if it's not Thanksgiving). Some families at Sunday dinner go around the table and ask each child to name one thing they are thankful for. Still others write thank you notes after every birthday and Christmas. By having family rituals that center on gratitude, children learn to express thanks.

 
Offer Service. My wife's elderly uncle lives a few blocks away, and we have volunteered as a family to weed his front flower bed now that he and his wife are less able to keep up. They are so appreciative of our service, and the kids feel good when we spend the morning working at Uncle Lavon's. Try taking the family to a nursing home or a homeless shelter to volunteer. They will often find that a little selfless service tends to make selfishness go away.
 
Try Going Without. From time to time, have a family project that involves going without something important. For example, try making bread for a week rather than buying it, or try walking to any destination less than two miles away. A little sacrifice causes us to miss things that we take for granted and helps us be a little more humble and grateful when the thing is restored.

 

It's the Little Things. A little common courtesy can go a long way, and taking time to notice the little acts of service in a family or a neighborhood can be so positive. Look for ways to say thank you often.



A little extra effort can go a long way in teaching children the importance of being thankful and of expressing than thanks in a sincere and meaningful way.

Ekspresi Wajah Orangtua Pengaruhi Selera Makan Anak

Anak-anak kadang susah mengonsumsi jenis makanan tertentu seperti sayuran. Untuk mengatasinya cobalah orangtua memberikan ekspresi wajah tersenyum saat makan sayuran di depan anak-anak.

Anak-anak umumnya dipengaruhi oleh faktor emosi. Jika anak-anak melihat orangtuanya bahagia atau tersenyum saat mengonsumsi makanan tertentu maka kondisi ini akan membuat anak menginginkan makanan tersebut.

Dalam studi ini tim peneliti dari Perancis meminta 120 orang dewasa dan anak-anak untuk melihat berbagai foto orang yang sedang makan. Pada anak-anak efek dari foto jauh lebih rumit dibandingkan dengan orang dewasa.

Secara umum orang dewasa akan memperhatikan berat badan dari orang yang ada di foto, sedangkan anak-anak memiliki reaksi yang lebih kompleks dan cenderung memperhatikan ekspresi wajah foto tersebut serta tidak terlalu memperhatikan berat badannya apakah gemuk atau berat badan normal.

Jika anak diberikan foto orang dengan ekspresi wajah bahagia, maka akan membuat anak menginginkan makanan tersebut. Tapi jika diberikan foto orang dengan ekspresi jijik cenderung membuat anak-anak tidak mau mengonsumsinya.

Jika seorang anak tidak menyukai makanan tertentu, maka dengan memberikannya ekspresi wajah yang menyenangkan akan membuat anak lebih terbuka terhadap makanan tersebut.

"Reaksi yang muncul pada anak-anak kadang tidak bisa diduga," ujar peneliti Sylvie Rousset dari French National Institute for Agricultural Research, seperti dikutip dari Foxnews.

Disiplin Keras Mendorong Anak-anak Berbuat Tidak Jujur

Anak-anak dalam lingkungan sekolah yang keras dalam memberi hukuman cenderung berbohong untuk menyembunyikan perilakunya daripada anak-anak yang berada dalam lingkungan sekolah yang tidak menghukum.

Kajian yang dipublikasikan dalam jurnal Child Development ini juga menunjukkan bahwa anak-anak dalam lingkungan yang sering menghukum, akan berbohong dengan lebih meyakinkan daripada yang ada di lingkungan yang tidak menghukum.

Profesor Victoria Talwar dari McGill University dan Profesor Kang Lee dari Universitas Toronto memeriksa perilaku menipu dalam dua kelompok anak yang tinggal di lingkungan yang sama.

Satu kelompok terdaftar di sebuah sekolah swasta yang menggunakan model disiplin tradisional otoriter, di mana pelanggaran di sekolah mulai dari lupa membawa pensil hingga mengganggu kelas akan dihukum berat dengan cara dipukul dengan tongkat, ditampar kepalanya dan dicubit.

Sedangkan di sekolah lainnya yang juga swasta, anak-anak didisiplinkan dengan cara dipisahkan dengan teman-temanya, dimarahi dan dibawa ke kantor kepala sekolah untuk pelanggaran yang lebih serius.

Peneliti kemudian membandingkan perilaku anak-anak di dua sekolah tersebut. Anak-anak diperlakukan individual dan diminta memainkan permainan menebak. Anak-anak diminta untuk tidak mengintip mainan ketika ditinggalkan sendirian di sebuah ruangan. Kebanyakan anak-anak di kedua sekolah tidak bisa menahan godaan dan mengintip mainan.

Ketika peneliti bertanya apakah mereka mengintip, hampir semua pengintip dari sekolah yang memberi hukuman keras berbohong. Pada sekolah yang tidak menghukum keras, hanya lebih dari setengah pengintip yang berohong.

Terlebih lagi, setelah kebohongan pertama, anak pembohong dari sekolah dengan hukuman keras lebih mampu mempertahankan kebohongannya ketika menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan tentang jenis mainan. Mereka dengan sengaja memberikan jawaban yang salah atau berpura-pura bodoh dengan tidak mengatakan nama mainan.

"Temuan kami menunjukkan bahwa lingkungan hukuman tidak hanya memupuk ketidakjujuran tetapi juga meningkatkan kemampuan anak untuk menyembunyikan kebohongannya," kata Prof. Talwar.

Bahkan anak pembohong di sekolah yang keras, berusia 3-4 tahun memiliki kemampuan berbohong layaknya anak yang berusia 6-7 tahun.

"Temuan ini mengejutkan. Kajian yang ada telah secara konsisten menemukan bahwa anak-anak dari lingkungan yang keras menghukum cenderung mengalami keterlambatan dalam perkembangan mentalnya," kata Prof. Lee seperti dikutip dari Eurekalert.org.

"Salah satu kemungkinannya adalah karena hukuman yang keras memperkuat motivasi anak untuk menghadapinya dengan strategi yang dapat membantunya bertahan dalam lingkungan tersebut. Berbohong tampaknya sangat adaptif untuk situasi ini," imbuh Prof Lee.

Menurut peneliti, kajian ini dapat berfungsi sebagai peringatan kepada orang tua yang terkadang menggunakan hukuman keras ketika mengetahui anaknya berbohong. Hukuman fisik tidak akan mengurangi kecenderungan anak untuk berbohong, tapi justru meningkatkan potensi keterampilan bohongnya.

Awas! Radiasi Ponsel Bisa Buat Anak Hiperaktif

Bagi Anda yang tengah mengandung, sebaiknya kurangi pemakaian ponsel. Hal tersebut dapat menyebabkan anak menjadi hiperaktif.

Sebuah penelitian dilakukan oleh peneliti di Universitas California, Amerika Serikat (UCLA) terhadap 13.000 anak di usia sekolah. 

Dalam penelitian tersebut terbukti bahwa anak yang lahir dari ibu yang sering memakai ponsel saat kehamilannya memiliki gangguan perilaku seperti hiperaktif dan sulit mengontrol emosinya. Selain itu anak-anak tersebut juga memiliki kesulitan dalam bersosialisasi dengan temannya.

Dari penelitian itu ditemukan 54 persen dari  anak-anak tersebut lahir dari ibu yang sering menggunakan ponsel saat kehamilannya.

Seperti dikutip  dari The Independent, 

- 80 persen dari anak-anak tadi menderita gangguan perilaku. 

- 25 persen dari mereka memiliki kesulitan dalam mengontrol emosinya. 

- 34 persen dari mereka memiliki kesulitan bersosialisasi dan 

- 35 persen dari anak-anak itu hiperaktif.

 
Hal tersebut disebabkan oleh radiasi dari ponsel yang dapat menyebabkan gangguan dalam pertumbuhan biologis janin saat di dalam kandungan. Untuk itu disarankan untuk para ibu hamil untuk mengurangi frekuensinya memakai ponsel.

The Importance of Family Dinners

Teens Less Likely to Smoke, Drink, Use Drugs

From CASA News Release,
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

The number of teens who have regular family dinners drops by 50 percent as their substance abuse risk increases sevenfold, according to a survey of 12 to 17 year olds released by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University.

The CASA report on the survey, "The Importance of Family Dinners," was made public at the launch event for Family Day: A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children to be celebrated on September 22, 2003.

"The survey finds that the more often children have dinner with their parents, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use illegal drugs," said Joseph A. Califano, Jr., chairman and president of The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. "It is a tragedy that family dinners decline as teens get older."

"It is vital that frequent family dinners become a permanent fixture for children, not only when they are young, but throughout their teenage years," said Dr. Wade F. Horn, Assistant Secretary for Children and Families at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. "The frequency of family dinners decreases significantly as children enter and go through high school– and that's just when the benefits of family dinners may be needed most."

Califano and Horn unveiled a proclamation from President George W. Bush declaring September 22, 2003 to be Family Day, and stating: "Recent studies from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that teens from families who eat dinner together were less likely to use illegal drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, while teenagers who rarely eat dinner with the parents were more likely to engage in these unhealthy activities."

CASA and the Administration on Youth and Families also previewed a public service awareness campaign, promoting Family Day and its message. The campaign includes television spots featuring former First Lady Barbara Bush; radio spots featuring actress and CASA board member Jamie Lee Curtis; subway and bus posters; and movie theatre slides.

Family Day is a national effort to promote parental engagement as a simple, effective way to reduce youth substance abuse and raise healthier children.

 

Family Day Survey Findings

• Compared to teens who have family dinners twice a week or less, teens who have dinner with their families five or more nights in a week are:
• 32 percent likelier never to have tried cigarettes (86 percent vs. 65 percent).
• 45 percent likelier never to have tried alcohol (68 percent vs. 47 percent).
• 24 percent likelier never to have smoked pot (88 percent vs. 71 percent).
• Teens who have family dinners twice a week or less are three times likelier than teens who have dinner with their families five or more times a week to say all of their friends use marijuana (9 percent vs. 3 percent).
• Teens who have dinner with their families five or more times a week are almost twice as likely to receive A's in school compared to teens who have dinner with their families two or fewer times a week (20 percent vs. 12 percent). Teens who receive A's and B's are at half the risk of substance abuse as those who receive grades of C or lower.

"We're thrilled to be launching this national campaign, and to have the participation of our former First Lady Barbara Bush and Jamie Lee Curtis," noted Dr. Horn and Mr. Califano. "Their commitment and that of the many organizations involved will help make Family Day a powerful symbolic reminder of the impact of family dinners and parental engagement on our nation's teens."

Family Dinner Conversation Starters

By Wayne Parker, About.com Guide

"Good." "Fine." "OK."

Are these the words you generally hear from your children in response to questions at the dinner table? If so, you have a lot in common with many families and fathers. Getting kids to talk to their parents in meaningful ways is almost an art form. And, at least in our family, it was hard to get our kids to stop at all between mouthfuls.

But talking at the dinner table is an important part of family life. These kinds of moments not only build relationships, but research suggests that family dinner conversations have a lot to do with building language skills and the ability to think critically.

In talking to dads and other family experts about this topic, I have tried to identify some questions or comments that, when used, can be the start of some memorable family conversations. Admittedly, some may be a little "off the wall," particularly if you are just starting the effort at having good mealtime family discussions. But perhaps they will spark some ideas of your own that would work well with your family and its personality.

"How about those 49'ers?" Particularly if you have sons interested in sports, talking about various sports teams and their performance can start some great conversations.

"What were the highs and lows of your day, today?" Rather than just a quick summary of the day's activities, a question like this focuses on evaluating and offering opinions about the day. Other variations might be "What was the best (or worst) thing that happened to you today?" or "If you were writing a newspaper article about your day, what would be the headline?"

"The word of the day is enthrall." One dad I talked to had a "word of the day" that he introduced at dinner time, defined and then asked his children to use the following day in a conversation, school class or other setting. They then reported at dinner the next night before receiving a brand new word of the day. The New York Times has a word of the day website where you can get ideas.

"What is your favorite movie or book and why?" Here is an opportunity to share opinions and defend them in a non-threatening setting. And other family members often are willing to chime in with their opinions. We tried this recently, and my 15 year old talked for at least 30 minutes about his recent read, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians.

"What is the most important thing in being a good friend?" Questions like this help children explore values and mine life's experiences for meaning. Related questions might include "What do you think makes a person successful?" or "If you were a billionaire, what would you do with all your money?"

"Does our family seem too busy? What should we change to be less so?" Questions that ask for feedback on family lifestyle open some doors to meaningful conversation. It is a good opportunity to assess how we are doing as a family unit and what might need to be different.

"If you could invite three famous people to dinner, who would they be and what would you want to talk about?" Here is another question that gets at personality, priorities and interests without seeming to pry or be too curious. Questions that get children (and adults) to think less superficially will often start great conversations.

"If you were running for mayor (or president, etc.), what would be your campaign platform?" Lots of families like to discuss current events around the dinner table. Questions like this one tend to get right to the root of current issues in your community, nation and world. One word of caution: while some families like to debate issues at the dinner table, some family members who are more shy may feel intimidated. Don't let the conversation turn into something that excludes or offends other family members.
Whatever the approach, getting your family to talk at the dinner table is important to their development and to your relationships. A little creative thinking and starting and maintaining a tradition of such conversations will make a big difference in your family's life.